yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
