May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
