I wannas sexs uuuuu
North Korea, Best Korea!
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
