his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
