I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
im holly from the hills drunk
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
