I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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