Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
