Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
