she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
