ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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