I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
