If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
