she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
