it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
