got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
It's like God shit irony all over that family
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
