wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
