he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
