I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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