you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
