I feel like I'm in dance class right now
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
