So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
