Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i believe in u and ur pee
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