I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's blow job season.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
