It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
