You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
