Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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