here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
