So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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