I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Randomize
