i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
