just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
