The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
