Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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