he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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