Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
