***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
