I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
