Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
