so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I am one with the molecules
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
