How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
