I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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