Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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