We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
