where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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