I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
