don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
