i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
