I am in a vortex of obligation.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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