Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I faked an abortion last night.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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