apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I still have a little drunk in my system
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
